Thankful Thursday Part 2

If you haven't read my first post yet go down and read it and then come back to this one.

I went to bed last night thinking about what I had written. You know I don't believe God wants us to suffer through those hard times at all but I believe he let's us grow through the hard times. You know it's been the down right ugly times that I'm closest to God. It's been the down right ugly times that I have learned the most.

I was also thinking about how I have been through some pretty ugly stuff. I know people have been through a lot worse but for me it was pretty ugly. When I was 19 I fell into a job (I just needed a job) working for severely handicapped children. The children ranged in ages from newborn-33. None of the children could walk or talk but were all truly amazing gifts from God. God taught me so much in the time I worked there. It was also a very hard job though because I saw that families rarely visited because it was just too hard on them. These children in my heart became my children. Oh how I loved these children dearly. I had to watch many of them lose there battle though and die and to me it was like I was losing my children. I ended leaving that place after I moved back home and the 2 hour drive twice a day was killing me. I think about my babies all the time though and that's how God showed me that ALL children are a gift from God even the ones that can't walk or talk.

I was also thinking last night about when I was holding my sick child yesterday. There is just something so very special about cuddle time when their sick because they sit still. When Chris and I suffered infertility for 4 year it was 4 years of true HELL. If you have gone through it you understand but if you haven't there is no way of understanding. How could God have given me such a desire my whole life to be a mom and then not let me have children? Why would God give me such an incredible husband and then not let him have children? Many more things went through my head daily. There were many times I felt like a failure. There were times I lost it and went into panic attacks. There was even a time I told Chris to leave me and find a woman that could give him children. Little did I know that plans God had in store for us. If it weren't for that 4 years of HELL we would not have our 3 miracle babies we have today.

You know as we were suffering through the infertility junk we had something horrible and unexpected happened in the family. This truly was a time in my life when I really thought "God, I just can't take anymore". Through this down right ugly though Chris and I learned that marriage is not to be taken for granted. We learned that communication is very important in a marriage. We always said divorce was never even something we could consider but we learned during this time that it happens to those you don't expect it to happen too.

I really do hate those down right ugly times but it is through those times that God has blessed us beyond measure.