So it's been a little while since I have done this for many reasons. I'm going to be real and maybe a little too real since my family reads this but oh well.
When I mentioned that I was drowning in clutter the other day I did not mention that I have been drowning in sooooooo many things lately. Work is not good for Chris right now. Chris is an auto tech and a few years ago the industry was very good but now it is very, very bad. Chris gets paid by the work he does so if work doesn't come in then it makes for a very small pay check.
We have had to give up the dream of building our house for now. We haven't been able to sell our house not to mention that with work so slow if we did sell we couldn't build right now. It is soooooo hard to put a dream on hold. The thing is though that our dream wasn't a fancy house. Our dream was a farm filled with special needs orphans from all over the world. Our dream was to be city slickers and have a hobby farm that we would have no idea what we were really doing.
Our dream of bringing anymore children home right now has been taken away because we are in a situation right now that we can't bring anymore kids home right now. I know some of you reading this don't agree with what I said but we know we have not been given the green light from God right now.
This week though God kicked me in the butt and now I am on FIRE. I have been holding back so many of my feelings from my husband because I didn't want him to get depressed. The man I love more than anything in the world my very best friend I was hiding things from. I was ready to explode because I was letting all this build up, but I was hiding it oh so good. I finally let it out and cried and cried with him and do you know he was amazing and I am not held by those chains of holding it all in anymore.
I am so thankful that a pastor in our church kicked me in the butt enough with his sermons these last few months that I finally shared my feelings with my husband.
I am so thankful that I don't feel like I am carrying such a heavy burden on my own anymore.
I am even more thankful that now that I feel free of that burden that I AM ON FIRE FOR GOD and ready to fight for the passion God gave me. After many, many months God has lit the fire and Rett and I are moving and ready to fight for the orphan ministry in our church. In a large church it's hard, very hard sometimes to get a ministry going but we are finding ways to do it and you better believe we are going to fight and fight until we are heard.
If you have been carrying a burden on your own STOP right now. I had no idea until this week how much that was holding me back from doing the job God had asked me to do.