I know it has been awhile since I blogged. We have been busy, but to be completely honest not in the way I want to be busy. It's not that we haven't been having fun, working hard and nothing exciting happening but it's not the busy I had planned for.
You see, I think it was about 5 years ago that God spoke clearly to a friend and I at the same time that he wanted to use us in the orphan ministry. We jumped in and allowed God to break our hearts many, many times over. Through that pain of serving God in a place where you see children hurting and Christians not answering the call, God taught us faith and he brought Jaxson home. God also taught me that even though I have a plan that doesn't mean it's his plan. After Jaxson came home we knew we weren't finished bringing kiddos home. How could we be finished when God blessed us with extra space, extra love and there are millions and millions of kiddos just waiting for someone to say "yes God I'll answer the call to adopt?"
For 3 years though of my heart feeling empty God had us in a time of waiting. I spent my days fighting for kiddos needing homes, crying that we couldn't bring them home and praying that God would fill our home up. To be honest I don't know if it was God putting us in a time of waiting or if it was us being too scared to take a leap of faith and follow God. You see I had all of these excuses of why it wasn't God's timing. It took a picture of one of the most beautiful little babies I have ever seen (my brothers foster child) to kick us in the butt and make the call to be foster parents.
I didn't have to spend my days crying anymore with an empty heart because we finally let God take the lead even though it scared us to death. We started paperwork, took classes, talked to our kiddos about how we didn't know who God would place in our home or how long they would be here for. My goal was to be licensed by Christmas but God has given me a friend that kicks me in the butt when needed and she said we needed to be done by Thanksgiving. There was a reason for that because God had 4 precious little angels that needed a place to stay for a short time and if we wouldn't have been licensed earlier than my goal we wouldn't have been able to have our socks blessed off with their visit here.
We haven't had any kids since then and the wait is so, so hard. What makes it even harder is you are excited about getting kids in your home but at the same time you know that the kids have to come from a pretty bad situation to be in your home. It's hard to wake up to 4 empty beds every morning. It's hard wondering every where you go if you will get the call. It's hard waiting when you know so many kids are waiting around the world for a home! So...we are in a time of waiting right now. We could get that call in 5 minutes or months down the road. So for now this has to be my verse to keep me going: